no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize