He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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