I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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