If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
