My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
