there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
