Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
