Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
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