Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
