I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
