Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
