Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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