Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
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