you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
