Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
