He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize