Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize