if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
he told me I talked like a deaf person
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
