quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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