I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
