I just gift wrapped bread.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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