Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
