My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
