Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
