OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
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