I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Randomize
