So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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