i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
