im six kinds of drunk right now
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
