You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
