So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
In other news, I just burned my penis
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Randomize
