Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
