i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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