maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize