so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
