Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
