This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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