Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
