Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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