I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
