That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
