My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
