My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
