My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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