Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
He kissed a someone with a penis
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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