I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize