my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
