you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
ok first of all what the fuck
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
