Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
