last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
