He had one of those small greek statue penises
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
