you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
