ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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