I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
We're too hungover to prance.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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