i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
