Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
