If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
