Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
