Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
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