sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
