If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
