Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
