it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
there's paper in my vomit.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
