I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
