Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
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