ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
