I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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